Transactional analysis- Summary of Ego states

Improve your communication by learning different ego states and strategy to deal with different egos. 

  


Please refer the detail presentation on this at Transactional Analysis:- Understanding & Managing Human Being...

Transactional Analysis:- Understanding & Managing Human Being...

In the last blog, I have given the analysis of personalities and their interaction, communication style of Bigg Boss, participants. This blog has got almost 500 hits in a day and there were different comments. I had to delete few of comments because of abusive language. This is also funny, how people respond, when something goes different from their expectations. I wanted to put the exact point of this theory here. I thought to explain what this theory is and how it works in our day to day life.

Transactional analysis or TA is a branch of psychotherapy developed by Eric Berne.  His definition of it is “a theory of personality and a systematic psychotherapy for personal growth and change”.  Based on this theory Thomas Anthony Harris had written a beautiful self-help book, “I am OK, You are OK.”   It is about how people interact with each other especially which ego state of the person is interacting with which ego state.

Knowing about TA can be very useful for improving our interaction/communication skills.  TA is about how people are structured psychologically and is both a theory of communication and a theory of child development.

The attached presentation will help you to understand more about this theory and model… 

Bigg Boss 7, Study of Transactional Analysis of participants….

There is one controversial reality show aired on colour every day.  The show is hosted by Salman Khan, who is also known for his controversy for fighting, road rage and Chinkara hunting. You must be aware of this show, Bigg Boss season 7. His show is utter nonsense. 10-13 celebrities and who are unsuccessful in their profession or career or celebrities who are  struggling to build the career are put together under the 24 hours camera surveillance for 3-4 months. Finally who survives there till the end is the winner of the show.  This show is full of controversies, violence, anger,  love & hate relationships, politics etc. Participants can go extreme for the winning. They called this show as a game. So called Big Boss controls the behavior for getting the high TRP and off course more advertisement revenue. Viewers are asked to send the sms to save their favorite participants. There must be some PR agencies who are working for these celebrities to get the support from viewers by posting comments on Facebook page, sending sms and writing on different platforms.     

Producers of this show or the host or so called Big Boss propagate that the behavior of the participants in the show is natural and not scripted (which I really doubt). But if this show is not scripted, then it is interesting to study the behavior of all participants. It is also interesting to study the human behavior, their background and their response under specific circumstances. All the circumstances and situations triggered artificially so that viewers are engaged in the show. You can easily interpret the personality of participants if you see their response. If we believe that this show is natural and the participants’ response is natural to the situation, then you can understand the traits of the people. Don’t you think that these personalities are also among and around us? Let’s take examples of different participants and try to find the traits of these participants and then relate them to the people in your organization, society, friend circle…You also will see the clear link between their family background, their upbringing and their behavior.

Gauhar Khan: Gauhar Khan is always busy in politics. When it comes to the others, it is fair, but when it comes to her, it is injustice according to her. She is fake, manipulative and emotional blackmailer. In whole show, she manipulated other participants, including her lover who is kick out from the show. Just observe her conversation, she discusses about the people and not the events. She manipulated Andy, Sangam, Pratushya, Kamaya, Kushal. You should be very careful of such types of people around you. They use people for their own agenda. Good face with full of negativity…Her ego status is “Critical Parent Ego” and her interaction style is “I am OK, you are NOT OK.”

Tanishaa: Her background is humble, she is from reputed family. She carries her family values. It is also reflected in her behavior. She may be diplomatic but does not play dirty politics. She is very positive, with good leadership qualities. Assertive in communication and good human being. She makes mistakes, but reflects on the same. Very natural and composed personality. Her ego state is “Adult Ego” and she also switches her ego state to “free child ego” state and her interaction style is “I am OK,  you are OK  which is the best style of interaction.

Armaan: Son of the successful film director, started as a child actor. He is pampered child but unsuccessful in his career. Armaan seems to be frustrated, good human being, but his anger makes him unpopular. He is unpredictable. Armaan should understand his anger will lead his life in mess. His ego state is “Rebellious Child ego” and he also switches his ego state to “Parent ego” state. His interaction style is, “I am OK,  you are NOT OK”.  Armaan should seriously consider for anger management counseling.

Andy: Andy is entertainer, he is open and transparent. He has his own views and expresses  as and when required. He is natural in behavior. His ego state is “free child”, he also switches is style to “Adult ego” state. His interaction style is also like Tanishaa, “I am OK, you are OK.”

Sangram: Sangram is good human being. He must have experienced lot of struggle in his life.  He is also humble and very straight forward. His dominant ego state is “adopted child” and hence sometimes he is not confident what he says. He goes back foot, he is not political even not a diplomatic person. He tries to switch his ego state to “Adult ego” which is good. His interaction style is “I am not OK,  you are OK . Sangram should come out from his adopted child ego state.

Kamaya: Kamaya is silent and assertive. She is good human being. She has her own opinions but lot of baggage in her mind. Her ego state is “Critical Parent” and her interaction style is “I am OK,  you are not OK ” Kamaya has a good potential to grow and she sometimes switches her ego states to “Adult ego” state unlike Gauhar Khan.

Among other participants,  Pratushya does not have her own opinion. She is childish and immature. Even Elli is also really good and gentle woman. She is natural and her ego state is Child ego and sitching to Adult ego as per the situation. Elli is really a good girl.

Newcomers, Candy and Sophiya are good in nature. They are matured and their ego state is also Child ego which is natural human being and they switch their ego states to Adult ego state depending upon the situation. This is good for the normal person.  Their interaction style, I am OK, you are OK.”

If Bigg Boss is the reality show which is not scripted, then this is a good lab for studying human behavior. If you are hiring manager and based on the lab, you are supposed to hire to whom you will hire in your team?

Four Ear Dimensions of Communication…

I really like the Four Ear Model of communication. This model is very effective. There are different styles and different methods adopted to communicate by people. Communication is the fundamental in influencing and persuading people. I will not go in detail in theory of communication, but definitely I would like to tell something about Four Ear model.

There are four components in 4-Ear model, these principle are based on Facts, Relationship, Self-disclosure, and appeal. If you believe on these dimensions, you need special ear to understand each dimension.

 

Factual Dimension: In this dimension, the message contains factual and concrete information about particular topic. Objectivity is a given when person can make himself understood by the receiver without one of the other three sides gaining the upper-hand.

Take an example of the mother asking her child to put on the sweater. She says, “Hey child, put on your sweater, it is cold outside.”  Mother is asking her child to put on the sweater. Mother is asking this because she knows the facts that there is a cold outside.

To make the communication effective, sender should think how he can communicate the factual content clearly and without misunderstanding.

Relationship Dimension: This is totally depends upon the attitude of one person towards another person. Here messages contain a statement about how one person views the other as well as about the state of their relationship. This shows itself in

a)      The chosen formulation

b)      Cadence or tone of voice,

c)      Non-verbal expressions (e.g. mimic, gestures,)

It is impossible to discuss on the facts level without in some way coming into contact on the relationship level. The relationship level dominates the facts or information level (iceberg model). If problems in the relationship sharpen, the only thing that helps is to talk about it: the information must wait until the relationship is restored. 

In the same example mother has an informal relationship with child and she knows that child may not make his own decisions on her own and hence she needs to tell her/guide her. She is authoritative in his body language.

Here sender should think how he treats other people through his style of communication.

Self-Disclosure Dimension: This dimension is really is on an emotional state of mind. Here the person communicates where he discloses something about himself. This can be his conscious decision or this can be just automatics and unconsciously. In above example, mother asks her child put on sweater because she is concerned about her child. Her child may fall ill if she is not protected. Mother is really thinking about the child and here she indirectly communicates that she cares her child.

Sender should ask the question himself to make the communication effective, what he would like to disclose.

Appeal Dimension:  Here actually sender is trying to induce the receiver to do the things what sender has told. He /she expects the results here. Like mother expects that her child should put the sweater and this is a result.  A message contains not only information, but also the intention to influence the other person to do, not do, think or feel something.

There can be:

Hidden Appeal: The sender tries “softly, softly” to generate some “good weather” for his undertaking, without his competitor noticing.

Paradox Appeal:  The sender says the opposite of what he intends to achieve, since he knows that the receiver doubts his word anyway

Open Appeal: Here there is direct expression of wishes or demands.

Sender should think how he induces someone to behave in a particular way due to his style of communication, without realizing it.

Let’s understand the four dimension of a message in following example.  Here wife is driving a vehicle and husband is seating besides her.  

(Next week: More tips on making communication effective based on four ear model of communication)

Ranks & Grades

The grades and ranks always created the problem in the world. It is literally in the mind of people. They forget that the ranks and grades are for the position and not for the person. In private sectors, we are trapped into the same structure. Some companies are making the structure more flat to make the interactions more effective and productive.

Once, one of the friends told me that he is promoted as a Sr. Manager. I asked him, “Congratulations, what will be your new role?”, “Role? What is this, I will be doing same job as earlier doing.”

“Oh, you are re-designated.” I should not have said this bluntly. After all it is psychological satisfaction for the person.

“My husband is made executive now.” One lady was telling to another lady. “Who was he earlier?” another lady asked. “He was an engineer.” Lady replied. Organization decided to restructure the designations. There was no change in role. However it was a social status for wife. We are governed by our egos. Some people just create the different perception in the organization based on the grades and ranks.

“That stupid guard came to me yesterday and told me, Sir, this is civil life. It is totally different from the defence. You can not expect me everyday to come in your office and salute you. We all are human creatures. We all are at same level here. Unfortunately we can not sack that guard” Newly joined Sr. Manager – Administration was telling me when we were travelling from plant to colony together. This person is a retired colonel. The referred guard was also from the military. “Some colonel must have harassed him while in commission.” I laughed and replied back. Colonel was a really good human being. He was flexible and open minded. This is the reason why he could survive in corporate world. He has done a good job and he retired from the company after completing 60 years. Now he is in Pune and enjoying with his grandsons.

When I was doing my management, some defence personnel were also doing the course. One was Captain, another was major, and other two were from lower ranks. Our Director shared this incidence with us. In exams, lower rank personnel scored more marks than the senior level person. He went to the director and asked him the reasons. “In my class you are not the captain or sepoy, you are the student. If one student scores more, he has done well in studies. No further discussion on your grades.” Director blasted.

In one organization, while addressing to the seniors, employees had to write “Shree or Mr.”, then “Name”, then “Sir or Madam”. They were probably not aware that respect should be earned by your influencing power and not by such labels. Employees are also clever. They sometimes make the fun out of this. One of seniors name was Sahebrao. Employee wrote, “Shree Sahebraosaheb Patil.”

While discussing one security vendor, he went into arguing phase, somehow phone got disconnected. Somebody from his organization again called and said me,”Sir, please speak with him. He is from air force.” I asked, “Is it his privilege? I am his customer and he should listen my expectations.”

When you buy vegetables, vegetable vendor does not recognize you as Manager or General Manager of XYZ Company. When you go for shopping, salesgirl does not recognize you as colonel or captain. For all these people you are just customer who has the spending power.

In our housing society, we have retired Superintended of Jails. One fine morning, he was waiting for rickshaw with gas cylinder for 20 minutes. “I am trying to adjust my new life after retirement now. But it is going very difficult to my wife to adjust such life. We were just giving the orders, and everything would be at our home.”

The problem is inflexibility created in the mind due to ranking and grade systems. I have seen one offer letter of one big media company. One clause of the offer letter was really funny. “This company believes on the equality. Bowing, greeting, salutes are not encouraged. Politeness should be seen in behaviour.” {Another clause was,”The senior employees are always occupied in the business. Please do not expect them for the farewell parties. We believe that employee is not leaving the company permanently. The left employees are generally welcome back if they found further suitable for the job.”}

The worst thing is people do not understand that position is for time being. You do not know how many enemies you create by enforcing your rank to your juniors. When your position goes due to any reasons, nobody asks you. The internal conflict created due to this is more frustrating. Humility is the long lasting.

“Vinod, my and my family’s needs are very small. I will be retiring after 3 years. I know that once position goes, nobody will ask me. That is the reason I am not creating any problem to you people. After retirement at least I can call and speak with you.” Mr. Kajale was sharing with me. He was Assistant Commissioner of Labour at Panvel that time. Have you seen government officer giving the gift to anybody? On my request he visited the factory and surprisingly brought gifts for me and my team. Rare example!