Make your relationships healthy

Relationships are a fundamental part of being human. They are a crucial way that we connect with and relate to others, and they play a significant role in our overall well-being and happiness. In this article, we will explore the different types of relationships, their importance, and how they can be nurtured and maintained.

There are many different types of relationships, and each one plays a unique role in our lives. Some of the most common types of relationships include romantic relationships, familial relationships, platonic relationships, and professional relationships.

Romantic relationships are perhaps the most well-known and celebrated type of relationship. They are typically characterized by deep feelings of love, attraction, and commitment, and they often involve a high level of intimacy and physical connection. Romantic relationships can be incredibly rewarding and fulfilling, but they can also be challenging and require a lot of work to maintain. 

In romantic relationships, it is important to be affectionate, supportive, and attentive to your partner's needs. This means expressing love and care through actions such as holding hands, giving compliments, and listening actively to your partner. It also means being willing to compromise and communicate openly and honestly about your feelings and needs.

In friendships, it is important to be a good listener, to be non-judgmental, and to be there for your friends when they need support. This means being willing to listen to your friends' concerns and offer advice and encouragement when needed. It also means being accepting of your friends' differences and supporting them in their goals and aspirations.

Familial relationships are another important type of relationship. These are the relationships that we have with our parents, siblings, and other family members, and they often play a crucial role in our overall sense of belonging and support. Familial relationships can be complex and multifaceted, and they may evolve and change over time.

In family relationships, it is important to be loving, supportive, and respectful. This means showing love and affection through actions such as hugs and words of affirmation. It also means being willing to help out with household chores and other responsibilities, and being patient and understanding with family members who may be going through difficult times.

Platonic relationships are relationships that are based on friendship and mutual respect, rather than romantic attraction. Platonic relationships can be just as important and fulfilling as romantic relationships, and they often involve a deep level of trust and connection. Platonic relationships can provide support, companionship, and a sense of belonging.

Professional relationships are another important type of relationship, and they are typically characterized by a shared goal or purpose. Professional relationships can be with colleagues, supervisors, clients, or customers, and they often involve a level of trust and cooperation. 

Professional relationships can be crucial for career success and personal fulfilment. In professional relationships, it is important to be reliable, respectful, and professional. This means being punctual, following through on your commitments, and treating your colleagues with courtesy and respect. It also means maintaining appropriate boundaries and avoiding conflicts of interest.

Regardless of the type of relationship, all relationships require effort and commitment to maintain. 

Here are some imperatives for maintaining healthy relationships:

Communication: Effective communication is a fundamental imperative in all relationships. This means being able to listen actively and communicate openly and honestly with the other person. It also involves being able to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a way that the other person can understand.

Trust: Trust is essential to the success of any relationship. It involves being honest and transparent with the other person, and being reliable and dependable in your actions and words.

Boundaries: Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is an important in relationships. This means being clear about what you are and are not willing to accept, and communicating these boundaries to the other person. It also involves respecting the other person's boundaries.

Conflict resolution: Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, and being able to effectively resolve conflicts is an important process. This involves being able to communicate openly and honestly about your feelings and needs, and being willing to compromise and find mutually acceptable solutions.

Growth and development: Relationships provide an opportunity for personal growth and development. This involves being open to learning and changing, and being willing to support the other person in their growth and development as well.

By understanding and engaging in these imperatives, individuals can build healthy, successful relationships with the people in their lives.

Here are some tips for nurturing and maintaining healthy relationships:

Communicate openly and honestly: Effective communication is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. It involves expressing your thoughts and feelings openly and honestly, listening actively to the other person, and being willing to compromise and find common ground.

Show empathy and understanding: Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. It involves putting yourself in the other person's shoes and trying to see things from their perspective. Empathy can help you to connect with others and build stronger relationships.

Be supportive and there for each other: Support is a crucial part of any healthy relationship. It involves being there for the other person, offering help and guidance when needed, and being a source of strength and comfort.

Be respectful and considerate: Respect and consideration are essential for maintaining healthy relationships. It involves treating the other person with kindness, thoughtfulness, and consideration, and showing them that you value them and their feelings.

Nurture the relationship: Just like any other aspect of life, relationships require effort and attention to maintain. This involves making time for the other person, engaging in activities and experiences together, and consistently showing them that you care.

In conclusion, relationships are a fundamental part of being human, and they play a significant role in our overall well-being and happiness. Different types of relationships serve different purposes and provide different benefits, but all relationships require effort and commitment to maintain. By nurturing and maintaining healthy relationships, we can create a sense of connection, support, and fulfilment in our lives.

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(Opinions are purely personal & does not represent my organizations, current or past) 

Author's books are available on Amazon, Flipkart, Pothi and BookGanga. You can buy the print copy of Vitality in Human Resources on amazon. Click >> Vitality in Human Resource: Adding human dimensions in HR processes    

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School of thought which I follow.

It was the year 1997. I was doing my post-graduation (Masters) in management from the institute which is affiliated to Pune University. The situation was not that good. Our batch was the second batch of the management college. Our senior batch was almost ready for placement, however there were very few companies visiting our campus. It was the era of slowdown because of Asian financial crisis. Companies were shutting down their shops. The militant left union known for their adamant attitude was making a lot of noise on the issues of wage agreement. Industries over the district in different industrial areas were struggling with top line, profitability and at other side with the non-cooperation from the union resulting in poor productivity. Few local industrialists were more much in trouble. The other union which was affiliated to the right-wing political party was blackmailing industries and few union leaders were demanding ransom from industries. Few industries were shifting to neighbouring states.

The situation was the same everywhere in the state. Few years back the government had come with the idea of establishing industrial belts in different regions. The idea was good, but the progress was slow. The infrastructure required for the industries was not that good in those delocalised regions. However few industries choose to be there to get the tax and other benefits. The new industries became the cash cows for local mafias. The environment was not that conducive for industries.

Strikes, go slow and agitations were common. This took me in 1982 where the great Bombay textile strike was called by mill workers of Mumbai under the leadership of Datta Samant. We all know the debacle of this strike. It is said that this strike was the big conspiracy against the poor mill workers by union leaders, political leaders and mill owners. This strike was spontaneous, and workers went to Mr. Samant demanded him to lead the strike, discarding established unions that time. Main demands were for more bonus and increase in wages. This strike lasted almost 19 months with the involvement of almost 0.25 million mill workers resulting in permanent closure of textile mills and pushing almost billions of people in poverty and hardship. Mr. Samant was a successful union leader dealing with employers for wage increase earlier. His militant style got popular and he established his credibility among the workmen. Because of his success, mill workers demanded him to be the leader and lead the strike. However, Samant was not ready for that. He agreed finally when workmen were too pushy and were not ready to leave his home. Very soon other leftist union supported Mr. Samant While fighting for greater pay and better conditions for the workers, Samant and his allies also sought to capitalize and establish their power on the trade union scene in Mumbai. The government got scared because if this strike would have been successful, it would have had an impact on port and dock workers and other big establishments in the region. The then congress government in state and center didn’t want the influence of Samant. We don’t know what cooked behind the scene but Samant tried to encash the situation but could not do it as Mill Owners Association and government refused to budge the pressure of union in spite of economic losses.                

The situation in 1997 was different. Union had lost its glory but because of the economic conflict, few unions were trying to establish their power. Industrial relations became better compared to 1982, but the mindset shift was required.

 It was the hot summer of 1996. As a part of the project assignment, we had to visit industries and work there for a few days. College had given us the recommendation letter. Contacting industries and relevant officers was an ongoing struggle. Today the world is so fast with the internet and mobile. That time, we had landlines and that’s also in a few homes. There was no other option. We had to travel to an industrial area, convince the security officer or the guard of the company and request him to allow us to speak with the relevant officer. It was like company to company marketing of your resume for the project work. Me along with my 3 friends were visiting industries daily and finally we got something.

That was my first experience to see the factory inside. It was a big electrical manufacturing company. We could enter the factory and meet the Personnel manager of the factory. He had a big cabin. He invited us inside, listened to us patiently. Finally, he allowed us to work with him on the project.

During the two months, we spent time with blue collar workmen, understanding their psyche. I also spoke with union leaders, worked with them on the shopfloor. I drafted disciplinary action letters, show cause notices, for the manager. During the span of two months, I realised one thing and that was, "missed human connection". There was a gap between white collar and blue-collar workmen. It was always “we” and “they”. Workmen were not willing to learn new things and managers were not taking them in confidence. There were separate canteens, separate washrooms, separate locker rooms. During the briefing session, I asked the question to the manager who was assigned to us as a project supervisor by the company, “It seems that we are focusing more on discipline, implementation of agreement clauses, but why don’t we focus on their skilling and reskilling, training and development and other human resource factors? Why don't we establish some mechanism to listen to them? Why don’t we establish connections without involving unions?” He laughed and replied, “It’s about the attitude from both sides, workmen and management. We can just try to bring that change. Unfortunately, both parties are not willing to do that.”

Today we have made a lot of progress in Industrial Relations. Unions are changing and they are not that extreme. There are “old school” and “new school” thoughts. One goes by the guidebook, rules and regulations, this thought is strong in managing any types of unions by any means. Another school of thought thinks about the human angle in industrial relations, understands different perspectives, challenges workmen on their purpose but equally is strong managing them in a balanced way. Both are right in their ways.

I was not aware that time what is there for me after submitting the project to the company and my professor. But yes, that day, I was clear which school of thought, I wanted to follow. 

 Please read the print replica of my latest book written for leaders on amazon kindle, Vitality in Human Resource: Adding human dimensions in HR processes

(Opinions are purely personal & does not represent my organization)    

Author's book are available on Amazon, Flipkart and BookGanga 

(Income from books is donated to the Janseva foundation which works for orphans, street children & abandoned elders)

Do you know the name of the person who keeps your workstation and dustbin clean?

It was last day of the year, 31^st Dec. All employees were wishing each other before calling off the day. There were lot of plans for the evening. Most of them were planning to go in pubs and have a party, however few of them were planning to spend time with families at home. Everybody was exited and were ready to welcome the new year.

I also decided to call off the day after busy day. Employees and I exchanged greetings and new year wishes. I noticed that all employees were exchanging the wishes among themselves where the supporting staff working in housekeeping, office boys and security were ignored by everybody. Normally this staff is on contract and perhaps nobody knows even their names. In fact they also wanted to wish people, but showing themselves busy in their work.

When I stepped out and moving in the office to wish other employees, I saw one housekeeping guy looking toward me. I ensured that I greet him and give wishes for new year. He seems to be excited. All other staff came forward and we shook hands and exchanged wishes. I could see the happiness on their faces.  

There are so many people around us to whom we just ignore. Housekeeping staff keep our environment clean, office boys ensures that you get your morning tea on time, security wishes you when you enter in the office and secure our workplace. We can perform better because somebody is working for us.  Still we don’t respect what they perform. They get money for what they do, but they also have the impact on our job.   

There are people around us whose contribution can’t be ignored. You throw your papers in dustbin, you make your washroom messy, and expect somebody else cleans it for you. No problem, you hire them for you and pay them. However, you expect that you should be recognized for your performance, people should respect you, people should not ignore you. Others are also expecting the same. It makes their day and perhaps will do their job better next time.

I recollect the story which emphasize the importance of being humble, love & respect to others.

John worked at a meat distribution factory. One day, when he finished with his work schedule, he went into the meat cold room (Freezer) to inspect something but in a moment of bad luck, the door closed and he was locked inside with no help in sight. Although he screamed and knocked with all his might, his cries went unheard as no one could hear him. Most of the workers had already gone and outside the cold room (freezer), it's impossible to hear what was going on inside. Five hours later, whilst John was on the verge of death, the security guard of the factory eventually opened the door and saved him. John then asked the security guard what he came to do there as it wasn't part of his work routine.

His replies: "I've been working in this factory for 35 years. Hundreds of workers come in and out every day but you're one of the few who greets me in the morning and says goodbye to me every night when leaving after working hours. Many treat me as if I am invisible. So today like every other day, you greeted me in your simple manner "Hello" at the entrance when resuming for work, But curiously after working hours today, I observed I've not heard your "Good bye see you tomorrow". Hence I decided to check around the factory.

I look forward to your greetings every day because to you, I am someone. By not hearing your farewell, I knew something had happened. Then I Sought and found you!

Moral Lesson:

Be humble, love and respect those around you because life is too short. Try to have an impact on people in ways we can't even imagine especially the people that cross our path daily. Stay blessed!

Stop child abuse….make your employees aware..

(Image: from northstar.ws)

Pankaj Pande & Sweta Pande are working with IT firm & staying in plush locality in Pune. This couple has been arrested on charges of child labour and allegedly torturing a 12-year-old boy. Police also confirmed that the boy's body bore brutal marks of physical abuse.  The minor boy was brought from native placed to take care of couple’s child. However this boy was forced to perform the home chores.  

http://www.punemirror.in/pune/crime/Couple-held-for-torturing-their-12-yr-old-help/articleshow/35688095.cms

As mentioned in the report, Dr Anuradha Sahasrabudhe, Director of Childline Pune, said, "It is a known fact that children are employed as domestic help. They stay with the family, have to be available for work 24x7, and are at the mercy of their owners completely.

Now put your child in the place of this 12-Year –old boy and what will be your reaction? Pankaj Pande and Sweta Pande must be qualified and educated. They may also be aware what is wrong and what is right. This couple is not the first example, there are lot of examples where poor children are brought as a domestic help, they are tortured and abused over petty issues. And what was the cost couple was paying, food & hardly Rs. 2,000/-!

This is illegal and inhuman. I think law will take care of this couple and there will be huge impact on the child. Such children are forced to move out of the system and such couples make them criminals when they are grown…

I am curious to know what action this IT firm will take against the monsters.            

I think, if your employees are ethical and respect humanity, then only the organization can be ethical. Your code of business conduct should also include such issues.

Somebody may argue that it is the personal matter of employees, but as an organization, will you allow your employees to trade drugs, involve in murders and theft? Will you allow your employees to take bribe? I think you will not…. It is not the personal matter of employees. This is not only the reputation issue but also the commitment of the organization to follow the law of the land & do the business in an ethical way.     

There are responsible organizations which carry regular audit of suppliers and vendors to ensure that their partners are also carry the business in fair manner and they are not involved in illegal activities like Child Labour, Bonded Labour.  But when this comes to the employees, actions are taken after the incidents.

I think, companies can play the active role to stop such malpractices. This should follow with sensitization and awareness on what is right and what is wrong.  Making employees aware on the issues and if they still indulge such malpractices enforcing consequence management policy will also help your organization to set the example.

What do you say?

(Views expressed in this article are personal.) 

The Auction

In my village, there was a rich farmer. He was rich in almost every way, but was very upset.  His estate was worth millions. He owned houses, land, farm house and cattle. But though on the outside he had it all, he was very unhappy on the inside. His wife was growing old, and the couple was childless. He had always wanted a little boy to carry on the family legacy. Miraculously, his wife became pregnant in her later years, and she gave birth to a little boy.

The boy was severely handicapped, but the man loved him with his whole heart. When the boy was five, his mother died. The father drew closer to his special son. At age 13, the boy's birth defects cost him his life and the father died soon after from a broken heart. He was clever man however there was not will found. He had a loyal friend who was also the lawyer. Relatives tried different tactics to grab the property. The case went to the court. Court ordered that the estate to be auctioned and trust to be formed as there was no closed relative who would be eligible to get all the property.

The estate was auctioned before hundreds of bidders from different areas of district. The first item offered was a painting of the boy. No one bid. They waited like vultures for the riches. Finally, the poor housemaid, who helped raise the boy and loved him, offered 50 bucks for the painting and easily took the bid. To everyone's shock, the auctioneer ripped a hand written will from the back of the picture. This is what it said: "To the person who thinks enough of my son to buy this painting, to this person I give my entire estate." The auction was over. The greedy crowd & relatives walked away in shock and dismay. However relatives again went to the court. Handwriting expert validated that the handwriting was of the farmer. Finally court granted the will was legal.  The Poor maid became rich.  

How many of us have sought after what we thought were true riches only to find out later that our Father was prepared to give us His entire estate if we had only sought after His Son alone? 

Bus Conductor who makes people happy….

“देणाऱ्याने देत जावे.........  

I used to travel daily to the college by state transport bus. It was Ojhar (where the factory of Mig fighter planes is located) to Nashik.  Bus was always crowded, and most of the time the travel was by standing. It was starting March and we were preparing for the examinations. One day, I took the bus and fortunately I got the seat to relax while travelling. After few minutes when bus started on Highway,  there was a huge crowd of vehicles on the road stuck up in the traffic jam.  Whole route was jam.  There was no guarantee that we would reach at college on time, however there was no point to go back. I decided to face what is there as the whole situation was not in our control. Vehicles were moving with slow pace. 

The last ride

I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes, I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift, I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked.

'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor. After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

Kindness

This story is taken from the internet, but I see always the connection with it. This story is beautiful example of kindness and external orientation without showing it.

A man and a young teenage boy came to a hotel and were shown to their room. The two receptionists noted the quite manner of the guests and the pale appearance of the boy. Later the man and boy ate dinner in the hotel restaurant. The staff again noticed that the two were very quiet and that the boy seemed to be disinterested in his food. After eating the boy went to his room, and the man went to reception and asked to see the manager. The receptionist initially asked if there was a problem with the service or the room and offered to fix things. Man said that there was no problem to sort with and repeated his request. The manager was called. The man asked to speak privately and was taken to manager’s office.

Perceptions… opinions and unfairness …

He was disturbed and frustrated. “It is unfair…he is unfair to me” he told me.

“How? What he did?” he explained me his story. There are always two perspectives; there are always opinions and most of the time perceptions. 

“It is your story, there may be his story and reality may be totally different.” I counselled him. I know, I was philosophical. But I wonder to understand how viewpoints are made. Sometimes these opinions and perceptions create problems. In professional life, if you make such opinions on perceptions, specially about the person, then person gets affected. Leader’s job is to really dig into and be fair on the assessment. As rightly said by  Hippocrates, “There are in fact two things, science and opinion; the former begets knowledge, the latter ignorance.”

If you are ignorant and make opinions based on certain assumptions, you are really not fair to the person. There should be the spectrum of acceptable opinion. The discussion should be within that spectrum. This spectrum should be created based on the incidents and facts and not based on the assumptions.

People give feedback and receive feedback. Sometimes feedback is based on the perceptions, perceptions are based on some experiences and when we have certain experiences we tend to justify ourselves. When you argue on justifications, and other person does not have the right justification, believe that next person is unfair to you. However your justification should be right and with examples.

There are perceptual errors that create bias or lack of subjectivity in evaluations & while giving opinions. This is all about the personality. If your mind is tuned to do the perceptual errors, you will do that, but your brain may correct, if you have the right attitude.

You may make the mistake by ignoring his good traits over one bad trait or vice versa just because you focus more on specific trait.  Sometimes just the next person is comfortable and listens you well, you tend to make the right opinion about him. You just label somebody based on one incident or  just targeting the person rather his behavior. Such actions of yours give the wrong signals and then you are stamp unfair, yes you are unfair if you do so…

According to me and based on the experience, I can definitely say, “sometimes somebody will be unfair to you, just ignore and move ahead… Someday somebody will be unfair to him also…”

Bigg Boss 7, Study of Transactional Analysis of participants….

There is one controversial reality show aired on colour every day.  The show is hosted by Salman Khan, who is also known for his controversy for fighting, road rage and Chinkara hunting. You must be aware of this show, Bigg Boss season 7. His show is utter nonsense. 10-13 celebrities and who are unsuccessful in their profession or career or celebrities who are  struggling to build the career are put together under the 24 hours camera surveillance for 3-4 months. Finally who survives there till the end is the winner of the show.  This show is full of controversies, violence, anger,  love & hate relationships, politics etc. Participants can go extreme for the winning. They called this show as a game. So called Big Boss controls the behavior for getting the high TRP and off course more advertisement revenue. Viewers are asked to send the sms to save their favorite participants. There must be some PR agencies who are working for these celebrities to get the support from viewers by posting comments on Facebook page, sending sms and writing on different platforms.     

Producers of this show or the host or so called Big Boss propagate that the behavior of the participants in the show is natural and not scripted (which I really doubt). But if this show is not scripted, then it is interesting to study the behavior of all participants. It is also interesting to study the human behavior, their background and their response under specific circumstances. All the circumstances and situations triggered artificially so that viewers are engaged in the show. You can easily interpret the personality of participants if you see their response. If we believe that this show is natural and the participants’ response is natural to the situation, then you can understand the traits of the people. Don’t you think that these personalities are also among and around us? Let’s take examples of different participants and try to find the traits of these participants and then relate them to the people in your organization, society, friend circle…You also will see the clear link between their family background, their upbringing and their behavior.

Gauhar Khan: Gauhar Khan is always busy in politics. When it comes to the others, it is fair, but when it comes to her, it is injustice according to her. She is fake, manipulative and emotional blackmailer. In whole show, she manipulated other participants, including her lover who is kick out from the show. Just observe her conversation, she discusses about the people and not the events. She manipulated Andy, Sangam, Pratushya, Kamaya, Kushal. You should be very careful of such types of people around you. They use people for their own agenda. Good face with full of negativity…Her ego status is “Critical Parent Ego” and her interaction style is “I am OK, you are NOT OK.”

Tanishaa: Her background is humble, she is from reputed family. She carries her family values. It is also reflected in her behavior. She may be diplomatic but does not play dirty politics. She is very positive, with good leadership qualities. Assertive in communication and good human being. She makes mistakes, but reflects on the same. Very natural and composed personality. Her ego state is “Adult Ego” and she also switches her ego state to “free child ego” state and her interaction style is “I am OK,  you are OK  which is the best style of interaction.

Armaan: Son of the successful film director, started as a child actor. He is pampered child but unsuccessful in his career. Armaan seems to be frustrated, good human being, but his anger makes him unpopular. He is unpredictable. Armaan should understand his anger will lead his life in mess. His ego state is “Rebellious Child ego” and he also switches his ego state to “Parent ego” state. His interaction style is, “I am OK,  you are NOT OK”.  Armaan should seriously consider for anger management counseling.

Andy: Andy is entertainer, he is open and transparent. He has his own views and expresses  as and when required. He is natural in behavior. His ego state is “free child”, he also switches is style to “Adult ego” state. His interaction style is also like Tanishaa, “I am OK, you are OK.”

Sangram: Sangram is good human being. He must have experienced lot of struggle in his life.  He is also humble and very straight forward. His dominant ego state is “adopted child” and hence sometimes he is not confident what he says. He goes back foot, he is not political even not a diplomatic person. He tries to switch his ego state to “Adult ego” which is good. His interaction style is “I am not OK,  you are OK . Sangram should come out from his adopted child ego state.

Kamaya: Kamaya is silent and assertive. She is good human being. She has her own opinions but lot of baggage in her mind. Her ego state is “Critical Parent” and her interaction style is “I am OK,  you are not OK ” Kamaya has a good potential to grow and she sometimes switches her ego states to “Adult ego” state unlike Gauhar Khan.

Among other participants,  Pratushya does not have her own opinion. She is childish and immature. Even Elli is also really good and gentle woman. She is natural and her ego state is Child ego and sitching to Adult ego as per the situation. Elli is really a good girl.

Newcomers, Candy and Sophiya are good in nature. They are matured and their ego state is also Child ego which is natural human being and they switch their ego states to Adult ego state depending upon the situation. This is good for the normal person.  Their interaction style, I am OK, you are OK.”

If Bigg Boss is the reality show which is not scripted, then this is a good lab for studying human behavior. If you are hiring manager and based on the lab, you are supposed to hire to whom you will hire in your team?

Go to the people

Go to the people,

Learn from them,

Love them,

Start with what they know,

Build on what they have,

But the best of leaders,

When their task is accomplished,

When their work is done,

The people will remark:

"We have done it ourselves."

(2,000 Year Old Chinese Poem)

Santa Claus in our life

Are you Santa?

People who make diffrence in
our life are also like Santas!

This incident happened almost 14 years back. One of the bikers hit my mother and she felt on the road. It was an accident where most of the people on the road ran towards her. However everybody was just discussing what to do. One of the youth came forward from the crowd; he stopped one rickshaw and authoritatively asked driver to take rickshaw at the hospital. Meanwhile, I along with my elder brother reached at the spot.  She suffered a head injury and was in the hospital for one month. She had lot of problem in future but her life was saved.

The youth who helped her and supported us to take her in hospital was working in nearby Cinema Theater as a door-boy. He was just passing by the road and showed his responsiveness.

I never forget him and his gesture.  

Few years back I used to drive bike in the city. We were going back from the market, all of sudden; one youth approached us and told, “Hey, check your bike stand.” If he would have not been told me this, we would have been in big trouble at next turning.

I also recognize the responsiveness of second youth who saved us from injury, minor or major.

Giving joy and happiness also make
you the secret Santa!



On this Christmas, when I look back, I recognize both of above as Santa Claus. They gifted us something. There are lot many people in our life who come and support us, help us interntionally and unintentionally. Of course the first in the list is our family members, our parents, siblings and spouse, who may have sacrifice for us to make us grow and successful. Children make us happy. Their love relieves our stress and gives the hope of the future. This is one of the precise gifts to any parents.  They give the love without expecting something for us.

They are also Santa for us. Their gift is always long living.       

We need to take a wider and balcony view of the people in our life. The person who interviews you and gives you the opportunity to work is also a Santa. Of course, you are selected due to your talent, but then there are lot many talented candidates in the row and still you are selected. That person has the vision to identify your talent and not others.  

In my life, I also recognize all such people who gave me the opportunity to grow as a professional. They are also Santa for me.

I was watching the reality show, Bigg Boss on TV. One of the participants, Rajesawari, told a very good philosophy to the show anchor, Sanjay Datta while entering in the house.  She states, “We need to see the happy moments through the magnifying glasses so that they appear big and sad moments through the microscope to make appear them small.”  I fully support her metaphor. We also need to identify and recognize the people who may have contributed not in a big way, but make your life happy for this.  The moments, they brought are the gifts like given by Santa.  

At the end of the day, we also can play the role of Santa in the life of others. No big deal; only small gestures will help…

I wish you all a Merry Christmas and wish for a wonderful new year ahead….

Human Relations

I saw the couple fighting in shopping mall. The wife was literately scolding her husband. She was even not aware about the surrounding. In another incident, due to family conflicts, one of the employees left the home and did not turned in office for a week. We read news about increasing divorce cases and police complaints filed by daughter in laws against in laws and sometimes even by parents against their children.

Interpersonal skills are the major issues now a day. Conflicts are common in families, workplace. Why relations sour? The human nature is responsible for the same. Mainly the causes of bad human relations are:

Ego: Some people are so egoistic that they are not reasonable. They are self centered and always live for themselves.

  

Anger: Anger actually kills relations. I have seen the people who are good by nature, but their anger made them bad in society. In one organization, whole team of HR professionals (around 15 employees) left the organization within 6 months. He was a seasoned professional. He was not against humanity, but his anger made him bullish boss.

Jealousy: The common nature of human being. The lunch table friend in the organization does not support to other collogue when she is prompted.  

Cynical nature: Some people are really psychic. Their behaviour is unpredictable. They are moody and very unsecure in the life.   

Hostility: This is one of the reasons for bad human relations. They are actually abusive either by words or by actions. They are unfriendly and don’t understand the human nature.

You will find such people in society, families and organizations. How to manage them? If we encountered with egoistic person, do we muscle her ego? How to face the angry man? How to encounter the jealousy? How to manage the cynical and how to overcome the hostility?

There is no hard and fast rule. The answer is firstly understand their behaviour and them make the strategy to handle them.

Following strategies can help to improve the relations.

•          Study of human nature: Understand the reason behind their particular behaviour. I had one employee. She was excruciating and pessimist. I interacted with her on various occasions. I also tried to get more information through different channels. I understood that she was doing hard-hitting with her husband. Sometimes her husband was not even allowing her to come home.    

•          Influencing human behavior: Your personality and body language play important role. Influencing personality can smash above characters. You are egoistic! But then I am also logical. You have the ego, but for what? You are better in particular thing, but I am also equally expert. But I am more humble than you. Try to develop your personality. But a tough personality means assertive personality and not aggressiveness. Your personality and body language play important role in influencing.

•          Art of getting with others: Once you understand the behaviour and reasons behind the same, you will find easy getting with others.  

•          Motivating others to our way of thinking: People are motivation hungry. They need motivation. They are hungry for good words and appreciation. They need inspiration and motivation. They expect respect. (Though they don’t give it others). Appreciate and recognize others.

•          Respecting other’s views and dignity: We don’t live in jungle and hence the space of others should be respected. People should be treated with respect and dignity.   

At the end of the article, I would like to emphasis on the Law of Attraction. You get what you think. You are treated on what you treat others. People are unreasonable, illogical and self centered. But love them. They are also humans; they would also understand the fact of life sometimes.