Toxic Parrot

Toxic Parrot is our state of mind which is self critical, negative and unhelpful for self and others.

“Do you know that we carry a colourful but very dangerous parrot every moment?”.  He asked.

“What? What do you mean by that?” My reply.

“Parrot is a bird, it learns what you teach it, it will recite what he listened without understanding the meaning of that.”

“Yes, parrots are like that. They have a strong memory.”

“But imagine that you get that parrot. You don’t know from where it is. It doesn't have any knowledge, wisdom, or insight.”

“Ok!”

“However, this parrot is fed with self-criticism, negative thought and is always critical with others. What will you call that parrot?” He asked me.

“Of course, it is a toxic parrot.” I replied

“Yes, Toxic parrots are specifically trained to be unhelpful to you continuously commenting on you, your life and others in a way that constantly puts you down.”

“This is interesting, I like the metaphor.” Indeed, it was a great metaphor.

“This toxic parrot will always criticize you for everything, putting down your self-image. For example, when you don’t get the promotion in the office, it will criticize that you are not worth for the promotion, you are dumb and there are others more deserving candidates. If you are late for catching a bus, it will say, there you are … late latif… as usual... you can’t, useless.”

“And how this parrot is harmful to others?” I had a question.

“Toxic parrot while criticizing you, it will also criticize others because of unhappiness. It will ask you to blame others. It will give a constant message negatively about others also.”

“You are right, yet we can often put up with the thoughts from this internal bully for far too long. We hear that “parrot‟, believe the “parrot‟, and naturally get upset. That then affects the way we live our lives – the way we behave towards others, how we are, what we think about others, what we think about the world, and how we think and feel about ourselves.” I said.

“Wow, absolutely, you are getting it now” He smiled,

“But how we can keep shut the toxic parrot.”

“There is an Antidote for this.”

“Antidote and how to use that?”

“Simple, just notice that toxic parrot, and cover the cage!”

“Means?”

“Imagine that you are throwing a towel to the cage where the toxic parrot is.”

“Just reinforce the message, there’s that parrot again. I don’t have to listen to it. It’s just a parrot”. He told me, “Then go and do something else. Put your focus of attention on something else, distract yourself from the toxic parrot.”

“Is it so easy? By doing this will it keep its mouth shut?”

“No, this parrot is toxic, and it won’t give up easily, so you’ll need to keep using that antidote and be persistent in your practice! Eventually it will get tired of the towel, tired of you not responding. You’ll notice it less and less. It might just give up its poison as your antidote overcomes it, or perhaps fly off to wherever toxic parrots go.”

(The story is written by Vinod Bidwaik, based on the concept of “The Malevolent Parrot” by Kristina Iving)

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Human being & Self Esteem

Karan joined the MNC in finance to head one of the departments. He was doing good and his boss was happy with him. He was confident but always blamed others. After a few months he started crying on his status & salary. He started comparing himself with others. According to him he was great and indispensable.  His manager increased his salary but again he started crying on his grade. His grade was also upgraded after 2 years. Now he was positioned decently in the organization, however he again started crying for the new role. His manager recommended him for a new role and he also got that. However, after 1 year he was asked to resign. His new manager, who was also a solid leader, had high expectations from him as his earlier manager had given solid feedback about him. Somehow Karan could not cope with the expectations and finally he was put on PIP. The issue was the inflated self-esteem of Karan. His earlier manager nurtured his inflated esteem and never gave the right feedback to Karan.

You must have seen a lot of such Karan who do great with one manager but not with another. One reason is the esteem of the person. Karan applied to a lot of companies, but he could not get the job which he was enjoying in earlier company. His inflated self-esteem ruined his career.    

Sandesh is another employee who was promoted after Karan moved into another role. However, Sandesh was always doubtful about everything. He was not confident about himself. He thought that he was not ready for the role. He was sceptical about taking such large responsibilities. He wanted to go slow. According to his manager Sandesh has that functional skills and he could develop on his other behavioural skills. Sandesh took the role but could not perform. He always used to struggle while communicating with seniors. He was always undervaluing himself. 

Sandesh was exactly opposite Karan who was not confident, didn't want to take decisions. Such people don’t trust their other possibilities. They get carried away by every situation. If something goes wrong their self-esteem drops.

Sandesh was the victim of low self-esteem. Over a period of time with proper coaching, Sandesh improved drastically. He became a performing employee. 

“What is right self-esteem is the question and if you want to enjoy life, your esteem is the key. You should have a high self-esteem.”

Let’s understand about self -esteem.

Self-esteem is a way of thinking and feeling about self. You can’t see it, you can’t hear it, you can’t touch it, but you can feel it and it is there when you speak about yourself. It is a self -worth or your personal value. 

Your potential to achieve something totally depends upon your self-esteem. If it is inflated or low chances of failure are more compared to high self- esteem.  When people experience positive self-esteem, they feel & look good.

When a child is born, s/he doesn’t see himself good or bad. People around her help her to develop self-esteem as she grows. Sometimes continuous failures and situations affect your self-esteem and you think yourself useless.

It is possible that during covid19 situation, people may have lost their job, they must be disappointed because of the uncertain future. Few must be depressed, and it is vital to understand how to overcome the low self-esteem.

Following are a few tips to keep your self-esteem high.

Don’t compare: Don’t compare yourself with others. Life is not the race. You need the right time to achieve something. Somebody may achieve something at an early age however somebody takes time. Wait for that right moment and right time.

Take pride: Feel proud about yourself. Recollect those moments when you do something different and achieve something, small or big doesn’t matter. Feel proud about others who are close to you.

Take interest: Think, how can you make your day interesting? Follow your hobbies, speak with inspiring people, listen to their lectures, read books.

Think positive: What is that one thing positive you saw daily? Feel good about that positive experience.

Control feeling: Acknowledge the situation and don’t react. Situation triggers the thought but before reacting, take a pause, think and then respond. You can control your thoughts and behaviours by doing this.

Giving something: Have you done something for somebody? Try to give something, support, help, anything. What you give, it comes back with abundance.

Fun: Enjoy life. You only go through life once, so make the best of it. Love yourself.  Do the fun.

Keep in mind that it is difficult to escape from inflated or low self-esteem, but if you are among the people who have high self-esteem, even if you occasionally give in to the instability of certain situations, you are much closer to achieving the happiness and satisfaction in life that will make you feel blessed.

Remember that famous quote,” Your biggest enemy is yourself, so be your best friend”.  

Wish you all a happy Teachers Day!

(Opinions are purely personal & does not represent my organization)

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