Sunday, August 16, 2020

Don't be Judgemental

I was in the hospital for the annual medical check-up. This is a specialty hospital and always crowded. You have to move to different departments to take a few tests. While I was waiting to meet one of the doctors, there were few regular patients and their relatives waiting. One of the elder women was in a wheelchair and she was accompanied by another young woman. The chemistry between both women was amazing, they were hugging each other, joking on something. The young woman was taking all care needed to the patient. Everybody thought that they must be mother and daughter.

While this was happening, young women went to collect the report from another window. a few others started conversing with the woman, chit chatting about the general things.

“Your daughter is lovely; she takes good care of you.” One of the other patients to woman.

“Yes, she takes all care of me like a daughter.” Woman replied.  

“Like a daughter?” asked another woman,

“She is my daughter in law, but she is like my daughter.” Elder woman replied proudly.

This is the amazing & positive story of a relationship. The relationship also must be reciprocal. Mother in law must be treating her daughter in law like a daughter.

This is also the example of how we perceive things and make our opinions based on the face value. Everybody was perceiving them as mother-daughter. Having a brain and thinking is a gift to human beings, however most of the time this gift is not used wisely. We interpret things based on the face value. We create opinions and we become judgemental. We rush to the judgement without reasons.

We never imagine the daughter in law treating her mother in law properly. Whenever we see such a relationship, we label them without understanding much in detail. We judge people based on their clothes they wear, the way they talk, the property they own. We respect people who have materialist positions like big cars, big homes and look smart, beautiful and handsome. It is ok to create opinions but should be based on the facts and experiences.      

How to avoid being judgemental?

Don't pass judgment: If you find yourself being judgmental, stop yourself.

Stop and step back: Instead of just commenting, making any opinion, creating some assumptions, just stop and step back. Think for a while. We make assumptions based on our experiences, get out that baggage. Experiences are good but not necessary they should dominate your viewpoint.

Be curious: Instead of giving direct opinion, be curious. Ask questions, try to understand the situation by being more observant.  

Take a pause: Pause is the powerful tool in everything. It gives you the freedom to think. Try to challenge your assumptions.

Understand: Instead of judging someone for what he's done or how he looks, try instead to understand the person. Show empathy.

Accept: Once you begin to understand, or at least think you kind of understand, try to accept the fact.  

Next time when you see someone, simple looking and in shabby cloth don’t pass the judgement. He may be a rich person in your area. When you see someone who looks wealthy, he may be in debt. 

(Opinions are purely personal & does not represent my organization)

Please read the print replica of my latest book written for leaders on amazon kindle; Vitality in Human Resource  


Prabodh Sirur said...

Great sharing

Unknown said...

True fact. Good insight to change thoughprocess of human Tendency.

Unknown said...

True fact. Good insight.

Anuraag Rai said...

Great observation Vinod . Not a very commonly talked about subject.
Though lot depended on upbringing given by parents and elders , I believe these beliefs are priceless and serves many lifelong- However suspending judgement is belief and behaviour is possible to develop, if one knows himself/ herself well and has courage & humility to work on it .
It’s a serious relationship derailer in worklife..and distasteful too

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