Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts

Saturday, August 25, 2012

When Brijesh Kumar invents new language…

Brijesh Kumar retired after spending almost 35 years in the company. After the retirement, he thought that he would do something differently. Initial 6 months went well enjoying the freedom of retired life. His only son was settled in USA. His wife was passed away almost 4 years back. It was sometimes difficult for him to forget memories of his wife. But he kept himself involved in reading, writing and travelling at different places. He almost attended every lecture, seminar on different topics in the city. Travelled all over India. Spent two months in USA with his son. But he was not happy. He came back in India.   

He thought what he was doing. He should do something differently. He got totally bored with everything. He stopped going out. He stopped watching TV, reading books and everything he was doing earlier. He used to sit alone in the flat staring towards walls. He would go to sleep, he would take his lunch, dinner on time, but he was restless.

One day while gazing to the wall, he got an excellent idea. Why not change the whole language of this world. Language of whole World, very difficult! County, difficult, and what about City, sounds good. But then “Which language?” He asked himself. He though lot.

One fine morning, he thought, why not exchange the words? People call table to table, I will call table as a watch. People called watch as a watch; I will call watch as a drawer. And he went on, he changed his whole language. What to call, human being, ok, Flowerpot.

And he invented different language. He was very happy when he woke up early in the morning. After the breakfast, he went outside. He greeted his neighbor first time. Next day, he was supposed to call him flower pot!  Some children were playing on the playground and he was supposed to call them small flowerpots and playground as school.

And he practiced a lot. He thought alternate “different words” to “different words.”J

 “Man woke up early in the morning with the noisy alarm of the clock. He sat on the chair waiting for his tea. He took newspapers from the door for reading. Children were playing on the ground and making noises.”  

He would say the above paragraph as under:

“Flowerpot woke up middle of the evening with beautiful sound of the chair. He sat on the cupboard waiting for his wine. He threw lights from the hole for eating. Small flowerpots were sleeping in the school and eating silence.” StrangeJ

And from next day, he practiced and practiced and practiced. After few months, he invented his own language.       

He was totally new person with new language. But he forgot the whole language which others people used to speak. He went to the milk parlour to take milk, but he asked for salt. He went to hair salon to cut hair, and he asked to steal his legs. … And so on….


People were unable to understand his language and he was unable to their language.

When his son called on his “TV (Mobile)”, he could not understand his language and son could not understand his father’s language.

People started to make a fun on him…. He was an alien in the city with crazy language…

But Brijesh Kumar was happy that he invented something different.

After few months, his son came back in India and took Brijesh Kumar to the psychiatric.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Have a Fun…Enjoy…

For last two years we are discussing about different perspective of management, human resource, personality, philosophy, personal excellence, development etc. etc.

This week just have a fun. I have put some good collection of some fun and learning thereof.  

Enjoy…

Never got caught...
A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?"
He answered, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered, "Yes" in the last question, was "Why?”
The lawyer answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

Heaven
During a sermon our pastor stated that money wasn't important in the afterlife, because in heaven, there is no money.
I overheard a poor kid whisper to his mother, "Did you hear that, Mom? We're already in heaven."

The Rabbit's Thesis
It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."
Fox: "Hmm.. What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!"
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"

They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing. Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.

Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.
Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."
Bear: "Well that's absurd!
Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"
As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.

Moral:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY OUR THESIS TOPIC IS. WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM WE HAVE FOR A SUPERVISOR.

In the context of the working world:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD OUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER OUR BOSS LIKES US.
Lesson for Management professional:
To survive in the corporate world successfully, our boss is going to be the key player.

The Lion Repairman
It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"
Fox: "Hmm. But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your great claws will only destroy it even more"
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"

The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch, which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the Lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with him. Soon a wolf comes along and stops! To watch the lazy lion in the sun.

Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"
Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV"
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"
The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Scene: Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits that are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with him.

Moral:
IF WE WANT TO KNOW WHY A SUPERVISORIS FAMOUS, LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Shut up! Cost Control initiatives are in progress.

I visited at the company where my friend works in Pimpri, Pune area to understand the cost control initiatives they have implemented in the organization.

All lights & Air conditioners were off. People were working very silently putting their head in either some registers or on screen of computer. The climate was so silent. I asked my friend, “It seems that there is power shutdown, but you must have generator back up” He replied back,”We have taken the target of energy saving. From 8.30 am to 1.00 pm & 3.30 pm onwards, air conditioners are not allowed.”

I went in wash room. I struggle to get the switch to light. You must be aware about the fish like soap normally used in washrooms. Only the head of the fish was tied. I asked the officeboy why only the head of fish soap is tied. “Sir, this is cost cutting, boss told us to cut the soap in two part and use. Cost control sir!”

Officeboy brought snacks to eat. He brought it in piece of newspaper. “What is this?” I asked.

“Sir Pohe, “

“Poha? On newspaper?”

Friend smiled, “We have decided not to use plates as it required washing and also unnecessary manpower, water and detergent.”

“Then why not paper dishes?” I asked.

“We are not increasing unnecessary overheads; hence we decided to use newspaper or used drawing papers for this purpose. We have strict policy for paper usage, accordingly to the policy any paper should be used at least five times.”

“What will you do with these oily newspapers afterwards?” I sarcastically asked.

“Office boy collects it. Once in a day, all the collected papers are put in boiler for burning for heating water. The water is supplied to canteen for washing their utensils.” This can be best example of environmental aspects in EMS certification. What a great use of sources? Great contributions!!

I decided to spend some more time to understand the terrific cost saving ideas. When I was interacting with the friend, one customer came. He had a discussion with vendor development guy seating just behind us. He wrote minutes of meeting. As meeting completed, my friend ask me to follow them. I went. The customer was so happy to know that the officer was accompanying him to see off. Vendor development officer gave the minutes copy to the customer and pointed towards photocopying shop in front of the gate of the company. I asked my friend, “What he did?”

“We do not take Xerox in our company. We get it from customer.” He replied.

“Why? don‎‎’t you not have Xerox machines?” I asked.

“We have the Xerox machine, but taking one Xerox is an altogether different project. Lot of approvals is required. There are two machines. One is in the cabin of our HR head and another is in plant in plant in-charge cabin. If we ask to take the Xerox in morning to the office boy, he brings it in afternoon. Not his fault.”

“I will introduce you to our internal audit officer, who checks all the bills, vouchers and without his recommendations nobody gets money.” Friend

He introduced me with internal audit officer. The big maps of Pune, Maharashtra were put on the wall behind him. He had also the scale for measurement.

I asked him how he supports the cost control initiatives.

“When somebody claims local conveyance expenses, I just check the distance in map, from his home to the visited customer or company. I measure the distance on map, converts to km and pay as per the KM.” He explained me.

“What’s about lodging and boarding?” I asked.

“We have a policy, if somebody goes out for official purpose in and around Pune; lunch allowance is Rs. 15 per person. Outside is Rs. 30/-. In fact we are trying to reduce it. For lodging we encourage people to stay at their family or friends house.”

“Your efforts for controlling costs are fantastic.” I smiled and commented.

“After my recommendations all the vouchers goes to MD for sanction.” He told.

“Does he object on the amount recommended by you?” I again sarcastically asked.

“Sometime.” He innocently replied.

After meeting this great internal audit officer, I thought that there is no point to see another cost control measures.

“Vinod, I will forward my CV, please check if you have something for me in your organizations or references.” My friend told me.

“Why? Are you looking for a change?” I asked, “

“Yes, Management may go for downsizing and I do not know what will happen to me.” He replied back.

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