Four Ear Dimensions of Communication…PART III

3. How to focus on “Self Disclosure” dimension?

Speak in the first person

A discussion partner seems more believable, when he expresses his beliefs and emotions. It is particularly import in conflict situations, to admit one’s feelings and discuss them openly.

Personal statements can be recognised since

Ø      They are in the first person (“I’m annoyed every time that you’re late.” “I don’t dare consult the director about this matter.”)

Ø      Formulations in the second or third person are omitted. (“You can never be on time!”)

Ø      One leaves out “one” formulations. (“One cannot talk to the director about such a matter!”) At work the focus is on concrete decisions and individuals, not general pearls of wisdom

Ø      Observations and wishes are expressed directly and in a timely manner (not: “I could imagine you taking over this task...”, but: “I want you to take over this task”).

State one’s own opinion

Every supervisor has his own opinion; some, however, believe they should not state it (e.g. at evaluations) or that they have to align themselves with the authorities (their supervisors or experts). Supervisors are often recommended that they should withhold their opinion.

However, it helps their credibility and the teamwork, when the supervisor

Ø      Has the courage not to shy away from unpleasant messages and personal statements;

Ø      Develops a sense for when his opinion is needed or wanted, and when not;

Ø      Doesn’t present his opinion as scientific truth, but lets people recognise the subjectivity (“In my opinion …”, “My experience tells me …”)

Clarify intentions and goals

Meetings can be shorter and more concentrated when the chair states his intentions and goals clearly.

For this he should

Ø      State his personal ideas and goals

Ø      Pay attention to the ambiguity of goals; they can have human, technical, financial and organisational aspects

Ø      Discuss conflicting goals (between people or different aspects) openly

4. How to focus on “Appeal” dimension?

Peruse and be assertive

The persuasiveness of an argument is increased when it connects with the listener’s ideas, frame of reference and motives.

The following approach brings someone to the required consequences:

Ø      Set goals

Ø      Take expectations and experience of staff into account

Ø      Analyse approaches

Ø      Take positive and negative consequences into account

Ø      Determine concrete measures

Ask questions

Questions mark the “royal path” through a discussion. Who asks questions, forces his listener to answer. So that someone cannot avoid answering, you should not ask several questions at the same time.

One can distinguish between closed, open, direct and indirect questions:

Ø      Closed questions can only be answered with “yes, “no” or with facts (“Have you finished the experiment?”)

Ø      Open questions allow the person questioned to give his view (“How far are you with the experiment?”)

Ø      Direct questions explore what the questioner wants to know (“What do you think about Smith’s suggestion?”)

Ø      Indirect questions follow a particular strategy (leading or ambiguous questions) (“Do you not think Smith’s suggestion is too expensive?”)

Be fair

The other person must be able to recognise what you intend and have a chance to propose an alternative.

The following behaviours differ from manipulative techniques in that they are open and transparent:

Ø      Define and formulate issues: Where are we? What’s it about?

Ø      Propose the method for resolving the issue: a scheme for analysing the problem, meeting minutes, facilitation, set a time limit etc.

Ø      Make suggestions and ask others to also.

Ø      Make statements concrete: request, clarify, refer to the topic

Ø      Ask for and give information

Ø      Summarise statements occasionally, and draw conclusions

Ø      Bring about a decision and make it binding.

Four Ear Dimensions of Communication…PART II

http://vinodtbidwaik.blogspot.com/2011/12/four-ear-dimensions-of-communication.html

Communication and discussion tips for making the same more effective

During the discussion, focus on these four dimensions, check your body language for each dimension.

Shown in the following graphic is “what and how to focus to make the communicant /discussion more effective.”

1. How to focus on “Fact” dimension?

Remain objective

ØPlace the topic as focus of the conversation, rather than yourself or your own interests. The following behaviours could support objectivity:

ØFormulate the topic as a common problem-in-common

ØAnalyze the problem

ØCollect various solution ideas

ØAsk for information

ØDesignate opinions as personal evaluations

ØCompare estimates with current values

ØDiscuss the consequences in several dimensions (financial, personnel, technological, organisational)

Speak in such a way that next person understands your view point.

ØMessages are easier to understand when the speaker organizes his thoughts and presents them in a logical order. The following tips help:

ØUse short, simple sentences with common words; explain foreign words and jargon where necessary.

ØPresent the information in a logically-constructed form, with a recognizable path.

ØKeep the message short and concise, sticking to the important points.

ØUse additional stimuli: pictures, comparisons, illustrations (possibly also visually).

Listen carefully

ØFactual content can be discussed more clearly when the discussion partner listens analytically and not associatively. Listening analytically means:

ØDon’t lose your train of thought through stimulating words.

ØStick to the statements of your discussion partner and don‘t go on tangents.

ØCheck the validity of the arguments rationally, don‘t let emotions deflect you.

Check the arguments for unspoken assumptions and superficially plausible rationale.

2. How to focus on “Relationship” dimension?

Active listening

Listening in people-centered discussions is called active, when it is not limited to a passive reception of information, but rather involves a range of highly active processes:

ØTo put oneself in the other person’s shoes, to think and feel from his perspective

ØTo attempt to comprehend what the other person really means and wants to say (i.e. not to get stuck on certain sayings or key words)

ØTry to sense the emotional state and mood of the other person

ØKeep back one’s own evaluations, suggestions and spontaneous reactions or sometimes for a while knowingly suppress them

ØLet the other person know that you’re following his statements by use of body signals (eye contact, “hmm”, nodding)

Actively listening is recognizable, when the listener

Ø Summarizes the sender’s statements and attempts to repeat

Ø Notes the emotional state of the other person and addresses it;

ØSticks to the main message with open questions, or those that invite further reflection;

ØCan withstand pauses;

ØSends nonverbal signals (see above)

Discuss feelings directly

ØEmotions are usually recognized and decoded from non-verbal signals. Physical responses typically fall into one of three basic categories:

ØLike (joy, trust, sympathy, satisfaction, hope)

Ø Dislike (Aggression, Antipathy, defensiveness, discontent)

Ø Anxiety (fear, doubt, disappointment, pain, evasion)

At work people are generally shy about mentioning the discussion partner‘s emotions. It requires sensitivity and practice to formulate the observed emotional state accurately and appropriately.

Give feedback

ØOne should let one’s discussion partner know how you’re experiencing the situation and the other person, after certain episodes or passages. Such statements are helpful when there are misunderstandings or conflicts.

ØWith feedback, you let the other person know how you have understood his statements, what wishes you have, and how you have experienced him. It is just as important to receive such statements, as to give them, without reacting crossly, out of sorts or defensively.

Such responses are better received, when you

ØDescribe content instead of passing judgment;

ØFormulate emotions directly instead of indirectly;

ØSpeak in the first person (“I”) instead of third person (“One”, “it”);

Ø Allow reciprocity, i.e. staff can speak to their manager in the manager that he speaks to them.

ØState your own wishes (concretely what the other person should do differently)

(Another two dimensions - Next time)

Four Ear Dimensions of Communication…

I really like the Four Ear Model of communication. This model is very effective. There are different styles and different methods adopted to communicate by people. Communication is the fundamental in influencing and persuading people. I will not go in detail in theory of communication, but definitely I would like to tell something about Four Ear model.

There are four components in 4-Ear model, these principle are based on Facts, Relationship, Self-disclosure, and appeal. If you believe on these dimensions, you need special ear to understand each dimension.

 

Factual Dimension: In this dimension, the message contains factual and concrete information about particular topic. Objectivity is a given when person can make himself understood by the receiver without one of the other three sides gaining the upper-hand.

Take an example of the mother asking her child to put on the sweater. She says, “Hey child, put on your sweater, it is cold outside.”  Mother is asking her child to put on the sweater. Mother is asking this because she knows the facts that there is a cold outside.

To make the communication effective, sender should think how he can communicate the factual content clearly and without misunderstanding.

Relationship Dimension: This is totally depends upon the attitude of one person towards another person. Here messages contain a statement about how one person views the other as well as about the state of their relationship. This shows itself in

a)      The chosen formulation

b)      Cadence or tone of voice,

c)      Non-verbal expressions (e.g. mimic, gestures,)

It is impossible to discuss on the facts level without in some way coming into contact on the relationship level. The relationship level dominates the facts or information level (iceberg model). If problems in the relationship sharpen, the only thing that helps is to talk about it: the information must wait until the relationship is restored. 

In the same example mother has an informal relationship with child and she knows that child may not make his own decisions on her own and hence she needs to tell her/guide her. She is authoritative in his body language.

Here sender should think how he treats other people through his style of communication.

Self-Disclosure Dimension: This dimension is really is on an emotional state of mind. Here the person communicates where he discloses something about himself. This can be his conscious decision or this can be just automatics and unconsciously. In above example, mother asks her child put on sweater because she is concerned about her child. Her child may fall ill if she is not protected. Mother is really thinking about the child and here she indirectly communicates that she cares her child.

Sender should ask the question himself to make the communication effective, what he would like to disclose.

Appeal Dimension:  Here actually sender is trying to induce the receiver to do the things what sender has told. He /she expects the results here. Like mother expects that her child should put the sweater and this is a result.  A message contains not only information, but also the intention to influence the other person to do, not do, think or feel something.

There can be:

Hidden Appeal: The sender tries “softly, softly” to generate some “good weather” for his undertaking, without his competitor noticing.

Paradox Appeal:  The sender says the opposite of what he intends to achieve, since he knows that the receiver doubts his word anyway

Open Appeal: Here there is direct expression of wishes or demands.

Sender should think how he induces someone to behave in a particular way due to his style of communication, without realizing it.

Let’s understand the four dimension of a message in following example.  Here wife is driving a vehicle and husband is seating besides her.  

(Next week: More tips on making communication effective based on four ear model of communication)