Words which you should avoid…transform your communication..

“He directly targeting me while speaking. I agree that I may be wrong, but this is not the way to deal with people. After all we are not children.” One of the employee was complaining about his Manager.

“What he spoke?” I asked him..

“He uses the words always, you did it. You disappointed me.. you make my job difficult etc. etc.”

I realized that people may aware on the uses of words but they may not be aware how to use the word. Much of our communication is done in words. We use words to communicate ourselves to ourselves, as well as to others. Meaning may be the same but it is how you put it. We are dealing with the adults and respect should be the core value. People make mistakes, but when you directly blame them, they feel hurt.  

Worlds should be used very carefully. More important things in how you use your word. Empowering communication can create a shift in your belief system when practiced over a period of time. To make the communication more influencing, you need to carefully use the pattern of the language.

You can use following strategy to make your communication more positive and effective..

Talk in “I” statements.

When you find something wrong with the people, use “I” statement.  It empowers you to express yourself instead of blaming others. For example if you find somebody very arrogant, use “I find you arrogant ” instead of using “You are arrogant.”

Communicate ‘”what is”’ instead of ‘”what is not”. ’

If you are unhappy with something, instead of “I feel unhappy”” say, “I feel sad.”

Drop the word “”can’t”” and change it to “”won’t”.

There is never a can’t.  You have the choice to do something. You can do but it is your choice not to do it. You always have a choice. If you say,  “I can’t come tonight for the party  because I have to take care of my son.” this is just not true.
Reality is “You won’t come tonight, because you choose to baby-sit.”

Drop the word  “problem/issue”  from your vocabulary.

I have seen the people who are always in the problem. In small things they will see issues and problems.  “Boss I have one issue.” If somebody comes and asks me. I say, ”very  good, now solve it.”

Every problem or issues is the opportunity of something., hence use challenge or opportunity instead.

A problem means that you are a victim of the situation. A challenge or an opportunity means that you choose to face the situation and grow beyond it.

Drop the word “but”.

Most of the people, use the word but…

I can do it …but I can’t….

Stop compromising your positive statements with a but”: I had a wonderful day, but...”

Here you enjoyed the day, and spoiling it by just adding but…you also putting the negative shade to the communication…

Did you notice, what statement I used… I used “And” instead of “But” in above statement…

Internet & internationalization: A Window to the World

In the era of Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter we actually have become global citizen. The virtual travel is very much possible. Different people, nationalities must have in your friend list. Do you like to learn from them? How you do your research on Google about different countries and culture?   

Is it important to know the world in which we live and learn about far-away lands? What is the impact of acquiring knowledge about other countries and cultures and becoming a "window to the world"? If we develop an attitude of learning about others and an open mind in our interactions with other cultures, we are taking another key step towards success.  

All of us — whether we are able to travel because of our jobs or through our own finances or we are unable to leave our homes, cities or countries but travel through internet-cyberspace — can be "windows to the world." 

A Means of Communication 

A window not only allows air and light to enter a house; it may also reveal the wonders outside to those inside. A window is a means of communication and every human being should become a "window" within his or her family, people, and culture. 

From our homes, we can become virtual travellers, using the Internet to expand our cultural horizons. We can learn more about other countries perhaps by placing a world map on the wall in our room or office and focusing on a new country for a period of time. We can familiarize ourselves with each country's geographic shape, politics, culture, cuisine, religions, important places, economy and flag. We can mark the map to show each country to which we have “travelled." 

Prepare before you travel 

Those of us who travel physically can prepare before our travels by reading a good book about the place or places we plan to visit. We can also take along an album of good photos of our family, a good book with photos of our country, and some small but valuable gifts that communicate something about our country and ourselves to the people we plan to meet in our travels. 

The right attitude 

But the most important element to become a "window to the world" is our attitude, our way of thinking, feeling and acting when we interact with people from lands and cultures different from our own. 

Here's an acrostic for the word RESPECT, listing the seven key areas we need to master to become a "window to the world." We can develop these skills if we want to raise our poly-cultural quotients and become more effective in international relations. 

• Respect: Recognize the differences among countries and cultures, but avoid the tendency to criticize based on our own reality. Ask tactfully and politely about what looks different in order to learn. Never say something is “bad,” “wrong,” “dirty” or the like. 
• Elasticity: Develop the ability to open yourself to something new, to be flexible, to sample a new food or try a new dance, to sing a country song, to visit an open market, and to dare to try new things. 
• Synergy: Seek a flow in your relations with people from other cultures. Remember that when we unite our talents with those of others different from us, the result is greater than the sum of the parts. Synergy multiplies results and prevents unnecessary conflicts. 
• Purpose: Establish a clear purpose when you travel or interact with someone from another culture to ensure the relationship flows harmoniously and everyone benefits from the interaction. 
• Emotions: Foster nourishing emotions, such as serenity and joy, to ensure any trip or inter-cultural relationship is productive. 
• Care: Plan and organize your meetings with people from other nationalities or cultures with care to ensure the effectiveness of those encounters. Take time to show you care. 
• Time: Respect other people's time. In some cultures, time is considered an extremely valuable asset, and respecting other people's time shows respect for the people themselves. 

Being a "window to the world" helps us become better persons and better professionals, able to recognize diversity and to take advantage of it, not only for our own benefit, but for the collective benefit as well. Mastering the areas above will help us become more effective international visitors, guests, hosts, providers, partners or customers.  

He is like me syndrome ….Liking Bias….

Mirroring is the common behaviour during meetings, public

forums etc. In this pic, two leaders seating here are mirroring

Mr. Obama.     

Recently, I was just spending my time at Shopping Mall in Shanghai.  People have lot of spending power. There is a craze of all Apple products which are very costly even in China. However now a days it is a status symbol to have the i-phone and i-pad, whatsoever cost may be. I was just doing the window shopping and observing the people behaviour  including of salespeople.  What is the consumer behaviour?

One of the interesting behaviour , I observed, is “mirroring”. Salesperson was trying to copy the gestures, language, and facial expression of his client. If the buyer speaks very slow and quietly, scratching his head,  salesperson also copies the same behaviour of the buyer. This behaviour makes him likeable in the eyes of the buyer and the deal is more likely. What advertisements do? They project the same behaviour of consumer to attract them.  This is a “Liking Bias”.

Achieve Balance

How can you be successful in your work without sacrificing your personal life? Is it possible to maintain that desirable personal and professional balance? How can you achieve a balance between your family and your work? Attaining a personal and professional balance is another key factor for success.

During times of crisis and in our hurried lives, when our jobs demand greater commitment, when competition for a new contract, a promotion or a raise in pay is increasingly fierce, when we feel pressured to focus more on the task and less on the process, we begin to feel the many effects of imbalance.

We experience this imbalance in our bodies and our relationships. We get sick and we get headaches, stomach disorders and skin disorders. Our families feel the need to ask us for more of our time. Our friends complain that they rarely see this and us sometimes creates a feeling of guilt that is detrimental to other areas of our lives.

Seeking Equilibrium: Every one of us must to live with the paradox of seeking balance in an environment in which it is natural to lose our balance. Changes in work schedules, technological progress, the economic crisis, globalization, social challenges, and environmental transformations have disrupted the natural balance a human being needs.

But even in this environment, there are some people who find physical, mental and emotional balance, as well as balance with their family, neighbors and peers. They use their time so they can work effectively, play sports, socialize, and maintain a healthy equilibrium in their personal and group activities.

To be fully effective, we all need the inner balance between personal demands (being more intelligent, handling our emotions better, being healthier and more spiritual), and social demands (being a good parent and spouse, being a good professional, a good friend and a good citizen).

Regaining our Balance: To achieve balance in our daily lives, experts recommend certain steps that are simple but powerful:

For Personal Balance:

1.       Read 15 minutes before going to sleep.

2.       Begin a 15-minute routine of conscious breathing when you get up.

3.       Eat more fruits and vegetables, less fried foods and fewer foods made with flour.

4.       Drink more water and juices, less coffee and alcohol.

5.       Pray and be thankful when you get up, at each meal and when you go to bed.

6.       Get some type of exercise every other day.

7.       Keep a journal of your activities.

For Social Balance:

1.       Use an agenda or personal organizer to plan the use of your time each week. Learn to put first things first.

2.       Assign your time to the different areas of your life. Take care of that area you tend to relegate.

3.       Focus on working smarter rather than working harder.

4.       Avoid the hero syndrome. Ask people for help.

5.       Surprise your family or friends with unexpected activities.

6.       Unplug yourself by turning off the cell phone and the television and give yourself the gift of time.

7.       Begin to give an hour of volunteer service each week.

Achieving total balance is a challenge, but it is both possible and necessary. If we are creative and effective and ask for help, we can combine actions on the personal side, such as exercise, with actions on the social side, such as spending more time with our children. This will make us healthier, more productive, more dynamic, and more joyful people.

Are your “Socially Intelligent”?

Social Intelligence…

“It is difficult to handle that person. He is crazy.” One of the friends was sharing his experience about the interaction with another colleague. There are different types of personalities in this world and you have to interact with most of them in your life. There are people in the society who even not aware about their own behaviour in public. They don’t know what to talk and where to talk. They hurt, disturb another people and take blame.  Can we avoid these personalities? You can’t; you have to live with them. But there is a strategy to deal with them.        

You must have heard about Emotional Intelligence. Emotional Intelligence can work, but not always. To deal with such people, we need Social Intelligence. Karl Albrecht coined this term.

Social Intelligence: Social Intelligence as the ability to get along well with others and to get them to cooperate with you. It is basic understanding of people.

The question is how to develop the Social Intelligence. The best way is to understand the S.P.A.C.E. model. This is a simple model of assessing and developing Social Intelligence. This has five dimensions.

(S) Situational Awareness: This is the ability to read, understand the social context which influence the behaviour and accordingly choose the behaviour. It is your social radar which helps you to interpret the behavior of people in those situations in terms of their possible intentions emotional states, and pre deposition to interact.

If we want to be accepted and taken seriously, we all need to pay special attention to the sense of presence we communicate. Here you need to sense the expected behaviour of the person. But before that you have to understand, what are his social norms, his communication style and tone of language and culture of the person.

(P) Presence: It’s the way you affect individuals or groups of people through your physical appearance, your mood and demeanor, your body language, and how you occupy space in a room. Your personality should reflect the positive-ness and confidence.

If some senior person, imagine, President of the company come in the meeting room, his presence in reflected in the surrounding. But this is due to his official position. This is charisma due to his official position.  There are people who earned the personality, like Anna Hazare. His presence in due to his earned charisma. There are people, who project themselves as personality and carries artificial charisma.

You can check this side by becoming awareness with your style, by asking your family members and friends.

(A) Authenticity: This dimension reveals how honest and sincere you are with people and with yourself, in any given situation. It’s how you connect with others people so you become worthy of their trust.  It’s a reliance on or belief in yourself, so you can take real authorship and ownership of your space or place.  

It is possible, for example, to have well developed “people skills” and yet lack the emotional depth to be considered truly socially intelligent. Authenticity does not only require being yourself; you must genuinely connect with others, which demands a fair amount of empathy and compassion.

(C) Clarity: This measures your ability to express your thoughts, opinions, ideas, and intentions clearly. Using proper language is important here. Your language should be used skillfully. Simple test is asking the question, “Do you say what you mean and mean what you say?” Sometimes silence also works effectively.

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt”

There are certain situations were saying less, accomplishes more

(E) Empathy: Last but not least is empathy. This dimension invites you to look at how truly aware and considerate you are of others; and the feelings of others. In simple language understanding and assessing why people behave in specific manner. Putting yourself in their situation is the best way to understand them. Try to understand the emotions, feeling of other and decide your strategy to deal with them.   

Try to follow the above dimension of Social Intelligence. This will definitely make you effective in your career and life. Just enter into the S.P.A.C.E….