Words which you should avoid…transform your communication..

“He directly targeting me while speaking. I agree that I may be wrong, but this is not the way to deal with people. After all we are not children.” One of the employee was complaining about his Manager.

“What he spoke?” I asked him..

“He uses the words always, you did it. You disappointed me.. you make my job difficult etc. etc.”

I realized that people may aware on the uses of words but they may not be aware how to use the word. Much of our communication is done in words. We use words to communicate ourselves to ourselves, as well as to others. Meaning may be the same but it is how you put it. We are dealing with the adults and respect should be the core value. People make mistakes, but when you directly blame them, they feel hurt.  

Worlds should be used very carefully. More important things in how you use your word. Empowering communication can create a shift in your belief system when practiced over a period of time. To make the communication more influencing, you need to carefully use the pattern of the language.

You can use following strategy to make your communication more positive and effective..

Talk in “I” statements.

When you find something wrong with the people, use “I” statement.  It empowers you to express yourself instead of blaming others. For example if you find somebody very arrogant, use “I find you arrogant ” instead of using “You are arrogant.”

Communicate ‘”what is”’ instead of ‘”what is not”. ’

If you are unhappy with something, instead of “I feel unhappy”” say, “I feel sad.”

Drop the word “”can’t”” and change it to “”won’t”.

There is never a can’t.  You have the choice to do something. You can do but it is your choice not to do it. You always have a choice. If you say,  “I can’t come tonight for the party  because I have to take care of my son.” this is just not true.
Reality is “You won’t come tonight, because you choose to baby-sit.”

Drop the word  “problem/issue”  from your vocabulary.

I have seen the people who are always in the problem. In small things they will see issues and problems.  “Boss I have one issue.” If somebody comes and asks me. I say, ”very  good, now solve it.”

Every problem or issues is the opportunity of something., hence use challenge or opportunity instead.

A problem means that you are a victim of the situation. A challenge or an opportunity means that you choose to face the situation and grow beyond it.

Drop the word “but”.

Most of the people, use the word but…

I can do it …but I can’t….

Stop compromising your positive statements with a but”: I had a wonderful day, but...”

Here you enjoyed the day, and spoiling it by just adding but…you also putting the negative shade to the communication…

Did you notice, what statement I used… I used “And” instead of “But” in above statement…