Sunday, January 15, 2023

How people manipulate...

Once upon a time, in a far-off kingdom, there lived a clever and cunning fox named Karaka. Karaka was always looking for ways to trick and manipulate others for his own gain. One day, he came up with a plan to trick the king of the kingdom, who was known for his love of hunting.

Karaka went to the king and told him that there was a magical deer that lived in the forest, which was said to be the most elusive and difficult to catch. The king, intrigued by the idea, immediately set out to hunt for the deer.

Karaka, knowing the king would never be able to find the deer, led him on a wild goose chase through the forest. The king, who was not familiar with the forest, was easily led astray by Karaka's clever tricks and manipulations.

For days, the king searched for the deer, but to no avail. Finally, he grew tired and frustrated and decided to give up the hunt. Karaka, seeing his opportunity, suggested that the king could always go hunting with him, as he knew the forest well and would be able to guide him to the deer.

The king, tired and defeated, agreed to this arrangement. And so, Karaka was able to manipulate the king into becoming his hunting companion, and he used this opportunity to gain the king's trust and favor.

In the end, the king learned that the deer did not exist, and that Karaka had only been using him for his own gain. The king was disappointed but grateful for the lesson he learned about the dangers of manipulation. He banished Karaka from the kingdom, and from that day forward, he was more cautious and skeptical of those who claimed to have special knowledge or abilities.

Moral of the Story: Be wary of those who try to manipulate you for their own gain. Trust your instincts and be vigilant in identifying and avoiding those who would use you for their own benefit.

We may have different experiences while working or interacting with different people. Sometimes irrespective of your positive or good behavior, people will try to manipulate you for their personal agenda. Manipulation is common, but if it hurts next person, then it is dangerous.  

Manipulative tactics are behaviors that are designed to control or influence someone in a subtle or deceptive way. These tactics can be difficult to recognize, as they are often disguised as helpful or caring actions. However, they can have a negative impact on both the person being manipulated and the manipulator.

They manipulate because,
  • They have personal agenda to gain something from you,
  • They have a fear that you are hindrance in their growth,
  • They are insecure about you,
  • They feel that you are a threat to them,
  • They are envy with your success, approach and experience,
  •  They just hate you because of your cultural and personal background. 
They will use different tactics to manipulate you. Some are as under: 

Gaslighting: This involves manipulating someone into doubting their own perceptions and memories. The manipulator may deny or downplay events that have taken place, or may try to make the victim feel like they are going crazy. Sometimes, they will just create a situation on a smaller issue where someone questions their own sanity or memory. This is often done in order to gain and maintain power and control over the next person.

Trying to praise the person: Manipulators may use excessive flattery or praise to try to win someone over and to get what they want. This tactic is often used to make the victim feel special or important, and to create a sense of obligation. This involves overwhelming someone with affection in order to gain control over them. Asking support and help primarily is the first step. But they are selfish here. Will get the job done and then keep you aside. 

Guilt-tripping: Manipulators may try to make the victim feel guilty or responsible for their own feelings or actions. They may try to play on the victim's emotions or to make them feel like they owe something to the manipulator. 

The person implies your smaller mistakes, making the fuss around that and creating the situation where the next person may feel that he/she has made a big mistake. 

Passive-aggressiveness: This involves indirectly expressing negative feelings through indirect or nonverbal communication.

Emotional blackmail: Using someone's emotions or vulnerability to control or manipulate them. This involves using emotional manipulation to get what the manipulator wants.

Sidelining or Isolating: They cut you off from their support system. Most of the time, you are kept aside or they will sideline you. They will start directly interacting with your team ignoring you during meetings irrespective of the capabilities of the other person.    

Triangulation: Here they will involve a third person in a situation. Will create a negative impression among others about you. 

Coercion and threats: This involves using threats or force to make someone do something.
Manipulative people can be difficult to deal with, as they often use tactics like guilt, shame, and emotional manipulation to get what they want.
Reverse psychology: They will convince you to do something by telling them not to do it.

Fear tactics: Creating the atmosphere of fear by using fear of fake incidents and or using misinformation. 

Mind games: using complex and manipulative tactics to control or manipulate someone's thoughts and emotions. Gossiping and encouraging gossiping and not speaking good about you. They will try to connect the information from others which they will use against you. 

If manipulation tactics are not successful, they will try to eliminate the next person in different ways. They will create a situation, where the next person will feel that s/he is not respected and will leave the organization. 

How to handle such people?

It can be easy to feel confused and overwhelmed in these situations, but there are steps you can take to protect yourself and to assert your own boundaries. I learnt these while dealing with those idiots. 

First and foremost, it's important to recognize when someone is trying to manipulate you. Look out for red flags like flattery, guilt-tripping, or attempts to make you feel responsible for their emotions.

Once you've identified that someone is trying to manipulate you, it's important to set boundaries and to communicate them clearly. Let the person know what is and is not acceptable behavior, and be firm and assertive in your communication.

It can also be helpful to seek out the support of friends, family, or colleagues in these situations. Surrounding yourself with people who support and encourage you can provide you with the strength and confidence you need to stand up to manipulative individuals. If you are working in the organization, use the whistleblower mechanism against the person. 

Finally, remember that it's okay to say no. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and to put your own needs first. Don't feel guilty or ashamed for standing up for yourself and for setting boundaries.

Don't feel guilty: Manipulative people may try to make you feel guilty or ashamed for standing up for yourself or for setting boundaries. It's important to remember that it's okay to say no and to prioritize your own well-being.

Communicate clearly: Make sure to clearly communicate your boundaries and expectations with the person. Be firm and assertive in your communication, and don't let them bully or intimidate you.

Document everything: If your boss is engaging in manipulative behavior, it's important to document it. Keep track of any instances of manipulation, and make sure to keep copies of any relevant emails or other communication.

Please respond the survey, I am conducting, as a part of my research by clicking on >> Leadership Competencies required for managers while handling crisis situations

(Opinions are purely personal & does not represent my organizations, current or past) 

Author's books are available on AmazonFlipkartPothi and BookGanga. You can buy the print copy of Vitality in Human Resources on amazon. Click >> Vitality in Human Resource: Adding human dimensions in HR processes    

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